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Joke of the Day

"After 2 million years in existence, the pinky finger reveals its true purpose: supporting the bottom of our phones."

"TIL the odds, as a male college student, of having sex with a given college girl. One in four"

"What's Obama's favorite word? uh..."

"I think football would become an even better game if someone could invent a ball that kicks back."

"What's the chilliest ground in the premiership? Cold Trafford!"

"Why didnt the mole make it to the stripclub? He was slow as molasses."

"Just drank two 5-Hour Energy shots. Will I get 10 hours of energy? And why is that rainbow giggling at me? AndAHH MY SKIN IS ON INSIDE-OUT!"

"My wife asked if I was coming to our daughter's dance recital... I was, but I paused the video, pulled up my pants, and denied it."

"Does anyone want to buy a used Theremin? I haven't touched mine in years."

"I named my dick money... 'Cause women love to blow it"