200023

Joke of the Day

"When someone asks me if I'm busy, it always sounds like a trick question."

"Yes, how much for the baby jacuzzi? Ma'am, that's a crockpot."

"What's the difference between a taliban outpost and an Afghani Elementary school? I don't know, I just fly the drones"

"If someone upsets you, write a nasty letter and file it away before you say something you might regret. Then punch the person in the face."

"So a guy orders a pizza. . ..they ask him, ""would you like that cut into six pieces or eight? He says, ""Oh, six! I could never eat eight."""

"What's another name for the Periodic Table of elements? The atoms family."

"I wish I was invisible & could fly... I'd then beat up a mime and see how much applause he gets."

"It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There is clearly room for more alcohol."

"Two guys were fighting with guns... Two guys were fighting with guns. Then one of them died laughing very heartily. Why? Because the bullet hit his armpit. (told to me by my son)"

"When a bird poops on you, it's also peeing on you, because they do both at the same time. So remember: you're a TOTAL bird toilet."