199833

Joke of the Day

"One time I swallowed an entire box of Alphabits whole and the only thing I pooped out was the lyrics to a Nicki Minaj song"

"Pickup line: ""Hey girl, is your dad in jail?"" Because if I were him, I would be."

"What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? If we don't get some support soon people are going to think we're nuts."

"I'm boycotting 50 Shades of Grey because it perpetuates the stereotype that men can change."

"Once upon a time, I used to worry that people would think I'm weird. These days I'm genuinely surprised when they don't. "

"I went to the zoo the other day. I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu."

"Monotony is my favorite bored game."

"Kinda thick horizontal curvy line, two thinner curvy vertical lines, squiggly line, different thicker squiggly line -Japanese spelling bee"

"How many Catholic priests does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, because little boys don't fit in a lightbulb."

"What did Barack say to Michele when he asked her to marry him? I don't wanna be Obama self."