199805

Joke of the Day

"ME: Raising two kids on my own has been a real struggle. WIFE: I'm only gone for two days. ME: They call me momdad now, which is bittersweet"

"*i before e except after c. Unless you're an 8yo heir planning a heist to seize a surveillance sleigh owned by a sheik at a reindeer farm."

"I don't trust Sperm Banks, so naturally I keep my semen hidden in my mattress."

"If you're meeting someone, get to the place early so you'll have a few minutes to kick back and repeatedly text, ""Where are you"""

"What happens when you put Nutella on salmon? You get salmonella"

"Benefits of dating me: 1. You're the smart one"

"I hope the Orioles keep up their winning streak, Baltimore has been on fire lately."

"How many feminist does it take to change a lightbulb Trick question, feminists can't change anything"

"I just scrolled so far back on Facebook's Timeline... I wound up back over on MySpace. "

"Why couldn't the pornstar join the navy? There was too much seamen."