199805

Joke of the Day

"ME: Raising two kids on my own has been a real struggle. WIFE: I'm only gone for two days. ME: They call me momdad now, which is bittersweet"

"Why are blondes so easy to get into bed? Who cares?"

"Guys, we should stop making fun of fat people. They have too much on their plates already."

"I think I want to be a ballerina. Or a fire dancer. Or I want to set a ballerina on fire. I don't know. I'm still working it out."

"Why was the tomato blushing? He saw the salad dressing."

"Hey, black forest ham. Stop being so dramatic."

"What should a football team do if the pitch is flooded ? Bring on their subs !"

"Just watched a heart-warming video of a soldier returning home from Afghanistan to his cat, who looks at him as if to say ""Were you away?"""

"Donald Trump like his women like he likes his Geneva Conventions Mostly ignored, but regularly violated."

"He died doing what he loved, waving a metal rod on a rooftop in a storm, yelling FU, GOD! Although he slipped & fell, Ted's memory lives on."