199602

Joke of the Day

"A man and a boy were walking in the woods... A man and a boy were walking in the woods. The little boy says ""I'm scared,"" and the man replies ""How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone."""

"""They said 'You'll never amount to anything, you aren't handsome enough to be a star, you're too short, you can't sing, you're not funny enough'"" ""So anyway here's your medium Latte that'll be 3.79"""

"How do I know we are going to have sex tonight? Because, I'm stronger then you are."

"The toilet on the train was out of order, so I had to sit there and hold it for half an hour. A woman who was sat opposite, looked at me in disgust and asked ""Is that a fucking poo in your hand?"""

"""Dad, are you afraid of ghosts?"" ""Only when I think of all the people who've died & how they must have us seriously outnumbered...G'night!"""

"What's the first thing I will desperately need to buy after winning the Lottery New pants"

"My girlfriend always cheats when we play board games, like last night, we were all playing Monopoly and she was next door fucking the neighbour."

"I was diagnosed with colour blindness yesterday. The news came out of the purple."

"What do nature and dogs have in common? They both abhor a vacuum."

"Disappointment usually stems from expecting too much from strangers on Facebook."