199499

Joke of the Day

"Met with a girl on tinder, Turns out her eyes were on her elbows instead of her face. She looked different than I thought she would."

"Old bankers never die... ...They just lose interest."

"Remember when Michael Jackson hung his baby off that balcony as a goof? He's dead now."

"What device can make prostitution legal? A camera."

"I'm a gentleman, I never kiss and tell but yea, she sucked my dick."

"What do you call a girl that goes down right after you just met? Ronda Rousey"

"18yo me (naive, unrefined): I just ate a block of cheese 42yo me (worldly, sophisticated): I just ate a wheel of cheese"

"My uncle Paul does great bird impressions, He eats worms."

"I eat my pizza with a knife and fork because I am from a big family, and you need weapons to protect your food at all times"

"don't regret doing things, regret getting caught"