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Joke of the Day

"The definition of agony is... A one handed man hanging on to a cliff for his dear life with itchy balls."

"11.45: Arrived at crime scene 11.45: Examined body. Signs of a struggle 11.45: Found murder weapon in drain 11.45: Realised watch was broken"

"the kidz bop version of gangnam style plays 24hrs a day in hell. do you accept jesus christ as your lord and saviour?"

"Did you hear about the carnival fires? They were intense."

"I thought I had life all sorted out, and then the wind blew."

"So, Thor is going to be female from now on. I bet Chris Hemsworth wishes he'd paid more attention to the small print when signing that Avengers contract"

"[signing birth certificate] wife: you put Owen, right? me: yup nurse: Now we'll just need a footprint from little [reading] ""Owned"""

"Yo momma so poor...[original] she vote for Obama cos she want change ahhh thank you ill be here all week"

"My friend gave me a balloon and told me not to pop it.. but I blew it!"

"A horse who got its face blown off in a war walks into a bar Bartender goes ""why the long...oh"". What a dick."