199081
Joke of the Day
"TIL that Charlie Sheen got HIV after doing Two and a Half Men."
Next Joke
"Playing mini-golf with your family is a fun way to spend thirty-two dollars to watch your kid throw 18 tantrums in a row."
"October 31st, 2187: Sugar is now illegal. Parents search their kid's Halloween bags to make sure the razor blades don't have candy in them."
"Have you heard about the new German Microwave? I heard it can seat 10"
"[Burger Lounge] Server: Are you 27? Me: OMG NO I'M 39 THANK U SO MUCH U MADE MY DAY Server: I meant your order number, ma'am."
"So sweet how people try to mask their crippling insecurities with bitchiness instead of alcohol like normal people."
"What are the similarities between a US handgun and a Feminist? 30 of them are triggered every second"
"[buying cucumber and vaseline] me: got an awesome night planned clerk: eugh [later, eating a cucumber and vaseline sandwich] this is awful"
"Do I feel like crying? HELL YES LET'S DO THIS 'THE FAULT IN OUR STARS'"
"Inspirational Tweet: The journey of 1,000 miles begins with ""daaaaad I have to peeeeee"""