190401
Joke of the Day
"Inspirational Tweet: The journey of 1,000 miles begins with ""daaaaad I have to peeeeee"""
Next Joke
"What's one cracker plus two crackers. [257 Calories](http://www.wolframalpha.com/input/?i=What%27s+one+cracker+plus+two+crackers%3F)"
"When I'm away from my girlfriend, I feel incomplete... ... But I love it when we're together again, because she makes me feel hole."
"wife: [crying] ""he always calls me weird pet names"" therapist: ""what do you mean?"" me: [arriving late] ""what's wrong my little hovercraft?"""
"If time means money... ...then an ATM is **A** **T**ime **M**achine."
"So I was going by this farm the other day... and I was like, hay."
"How many immature people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Hehe... 'screw' Alternatively: 69, but everyone expects that one."
"Hear the one about the AA meeting in West Virginia? They all had the same last name..."
"Caesar: friends, Romans countryman lend me your ear... [2 days later] *Caesar opens mailbox* ""oh FFS Van Gogh IT'S A SAYING!!!!!'"
"A CW told me for the 50th time that her baby learned how to walk so I told her""if you really wanna impress me lmk when it learns how to fly"""