198975

Joke of the Day

"Today I found out my roommate was pansexual... Needless to say I was pretty shocked when I woke up and found him in bed with all of our kitchenware."

"Fear does not exist in this dojo. And neither does air conditioning or proper ventilation, so you will all be sparring in your underwear."

"When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness."

"The woman who injected her 8-year old daughter with Botox for beauty pageants has lost custody. The child didn't look surprised."

"Teacher: How much is half of 8 Pupil: Up and down or across ? Teacher: What do you mean ? Pupil: Wellup and down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0"

"My girlfriend said she won't miss the iPhone headphone jack as much as everyone. Said she goes to bed to another miniscule 3.5mm thing anyway."

"How does a crackhead lose weight? Diet Coke."

"What monster plays the most April Fool's jokes? Prankenstein!"

"relationships are like farts too much force will result in shit"

"What's my type? Someone who is supportive. Someone who is warm. Someone I can just curl up and relax with. Wait I'm describing my bed again."