198975

Joke of the Day

"Today I found out my roommate was pansexual... Needless to say I was pretty shocked when I woke up and found him in bed with all of our kitchenware."

"Where do Squarells live? In Geometrees. I am not embarrassed to say I made this up two weeks ago while teaching quadrilaterals. The groan from my students could be heard for miles."

"I hate it when strangers question me. I'm with my kid, & this lady goes, 'He's cute. Who does he look like?' I'm like, 'Your husband'"

"How to calm a crying baby: 1. Pick it up. 2. Ok, so when it turns like 5 you can put it back down. Good luck."

"If you can't do what's right you can always do what's left"

"Why couldn't the physicists change the lightbulb? Too much work."

"I only drink twice a year When it's my birthday, and when it's not"

"Strawberries are like porn stars. They both have the seed on the outside."

"I set up a trap to catch the tooth fairy but she caught on and placed my parents in the trap instead. what a tricky fairy. PS. i want my $1!"

"Was very disappointed when I went into a German restaurant and asked for their best but they served me their wurst"