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Joke of the Day

"When ever a girl wears a shirt saying 'I Woke Up Like This' I resist the urge to say I'm sorry about that."

"Research has shown that girls do NOT go to Jupiter to get more stupider. They actually go to Venus. For uh, *shuffles papers* for stuff"

"Why do you have to pee so quickly after you start drinking beer? Because it doesn't have to stop off to change color!"

"I think it's odd that you can buy binoculars, but no heteronoculars, homonoculars nor transnoculars."

"*at a loud house party* Is this your- I SAID IS THIS YOUR HOUSE? I NOTICED THE DOG BOWL. WHERE IS HE OR SHE, I'D LIKE TO PET HIM OR HER"

"Do 90-year-old men wear boxers or briefs? Depends."

"I sure do feel a whole lot more attractive at Walmart than I do at the gym."

"What do a daycare and my basement have in common? Both have a bunch of screaming children in them."

"How do you beat George Foreman in a fight? Punch him in the grill"

"1. OMG will this ever end? 2. OMG will this ever end? 3. OMG will this ever end? -top 3 things on my mind when I'm in a a conversation"