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Joke of the Day

"Tonight's special: Hummus-fed pigeon leg, rolled in coffee grinds, served on a bed of fresh lawn clippings $105 - Fancy restaurants"

"I wish I had the balls to be a juggler."

"If your cat is your ""child,"" I bet its ""grandparents"" are ""sad"""

"My new thesaurus is terrible in fact I'd go as far to say that it's terrible"

"I hate when I drop my pen on the floor and it's slightly out of reach so I leave it there forever."

"Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? At the bottom of the page"

"Did you hear about the Pirate suffering from scurvy? His attempts to cure it were *fruitless*."

"Why can't bicycles stand on their own? They are two tired."

"what's the deal with ""airplane food?"" newsflash, jerry: it's called jet fuel."

"Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippy? He was too far out man!"