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Joke of the Day

"My boss said if I tried to take Friday off, I could just take the rest of the year off so that's kinda neat."

"My girlfriend told me she wanted a ring. So I said ""Bitch, take your phone off silent!"""

"Giant methane storm on Uranus. It just a really bad fart."

"You know what George Bush and Floyd Mayweather have in common? W."

"What do transgender cannibals call the blood of Christ? Cross dressing."

"The Whole Foods next to this movie theater is perfect if you want to sneak in your own snacks, but don't want to save a lot of money."

"Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road? Because it was stuck in a crack!"

"For those who don't speak Spanish: ""Cinco de Mayo"" means ""hold the mayo."""

"Why was there semen on the clean laundry? When Greg woke up, his mom had left a note reading, ""Please put a load in the washer"""

"Yes, Firefox. I will abort the script but only to save the life of the web page."