198430

Joke of the Day

"What did Mulan's grumpy elderly friends say when they caught her with Li Shang? ""Get off Mu-lan!!!"""

"My 2 yo is currently having the biggest tantrum I've ever seen! He's mad I will not let him open & eat the box of candy* he found. *tampons"

"What's the difference between Christmas presents and ass whuppins? You ain't gettin' no Christmas presents!"

"I knew the Psychic was a phony as soon as she accepted my check."

"What's the scariest thing a blind person can read in Braille? ""Danger: Do not touch"""

"[buying college textbooks] That'll be 100 million dollars [returning college textbooks] We can give you half off on this pencil case"

"What do Princess Di's coffin and a Queen Bee have in common? They're both filled with Royal Jelly."

"Why did they bury Rock Hudson ass up? So his friends could stop by and crack open a cold one."

"I loathe earlier versions of myself as though they were separate people."

"I never feel more racist than when trying to find my waiter at a Mexican restaurant."