198424
Joke of the Day
"Today punched man a me That was out of order"
Next Joke
"Instead of ""the John"" I decided to start calling my bathroom ""the Jim"" I needed to workout more. Now first thing in the morning I always go to the Jim!"
"Therapist: do u communicate with your kids? Me: my son stays in his room all day & never speaks Therapist [looks at notes]: the 5 week old?"
"You want to see something intense? Visit a campground."
"What Do You Call A Black Person On The Moon? An Astronaut You Racist Bastard."
"Damn you titties, stop being so glorious. Your owner is trying to tell me something and I need to make eye contact."
"The owl knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a toostie-roll-pop. Chuck Norris knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a 5,000 pound boulder."
"Benedict Cumberbatch, if we dissect his name it means ""Blessed batch of cucumbers"" In other words, he is just a jar of Kosher Dill Pickles"
"Strategy du jour for combating 5 & 7yo's over-competitiveness: ""First person to say it's a race loses."""
"Why don't you ever see elephants hiding in trees? They're really good at it."