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Joke of the Day

"Why is Halloween one of the most popular holidays in West Virginia? It gives them an opportunity to *pump-kin*."

"[vacuuming] Pick up your feet please. Kid on sofa: No! Ok *sucks kid into vacuum feet first* *turns to next kid* Pick up your feet please."

"Why was Jered Fogle always late? He kept getting a little behind."

"A Man With No Legs Walks Into A Bar..."

"What did the angel say when he saw God make the element Phosphorus? It's a match made in Heaven!"

"What's the difference between an introverted scientist and an extroverted scientist? An extroverted scientist will stare at YOUR feet."

"'I can't find my dollar bill' Jane sobbed. 'Don't worry' her Counselor said. 'A dollar doesn't go very far today.'"

"I tried to come out of the closet by singing. It was my swan song"

"Seeing a guy in skinny jeans and wondering how his balls fit in there."

"*Steals parking spot from guy backing in* Him:*middle finger* Me: [rolls down window] I SEE THAT YOU'RE NOT MARRIED. I ALSO AM NOT MARRIED"