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Joke of the Day

"DOING NF NOW! ign OpticVpredz [x1] [xboxone]"

"What's the difference between an old-time organ grinder and a heroin addict? One has a monkey on a leash and the other has a monkey on his back."

"I always live in constant fear that a bicep avi is gonna steal my lady and treat her right"

"TRUMP: Let's get that Muslim Band going ""Band? We thought you said ban"" TRUMP: No way, that's harsh. Also, how's that Mexican mall coming?"

"""I can't believe we're selling this house. So many memories. Man, if walls could talk..."" WALL: ""I saw you vacuum up your kid's hamster."""

"My daughter is the perfect height for using an umbrella to simultaneously keep her dry and for me to lose an eye from one of its corners"

"I once met a dyslexic who suffered from vertigo. Her name was Dizzy Spells."

"Did you know Princess Diana was on the radio? And the dashboard, and the windshield..."

"Why was six afraid of seven... ...because seven was a registered six offender."

"My childhood left me with unreal expectations about how often I would see pies used as weapons."