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Joke of the Day

"How bout I hold a toaster over you while you're in the tub, and you tweet something that doesn't make me drop it."

"What lies on it's back a hundred feet in the air? A dead centipede."

"When someone tells me they're sick I try to make them feel better with a story about my own sickness that was much worse and many years ago."

"So a girl once asked me... ""Hey wanna come over? Nobody will be home."" So I came over. And nobody was home."

"What do you call a priest giving a long, boring sermon? An anes-theologist. (close enough)"

"Why do Jewish men watch porno's backwards? That way they can see the hooker give the money back."

"Q: What's Mary short for? A: She's got no legs."

"I tried to start a band called ""999 megs""! Never did get a gig :("

"If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you you may be in love with a boomerang."

"I like my coffee like I like my minorities... ... I don't."