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Joke of the Day

"Goodnight moon. Goodnight cow jumping over the moon. Goodnight space cow preventing other cows from clearing the moon. Goodnight ketamine."

"My professor asked me to give an example of a word whose definition got reversed. I literally had no answer."

"I used to be passive aggressive but now I'm aggressively passive. Don't mess with me, idiot. I'll sit right here. I'll f*cking forgive you."

"What's the difference between jelly and jam? I can't jelly this dick in your mouth."

"Vince Vaughn supports the right to carry guns in public. So if you ever wander into 1 of his movies, you can just shoot yourself."

"Go to Target for shampoo. End up leaving with a blender, new pajamas, a couch, four kids and a car."

"All the roles in Gravity were played by Martin Lawrence."

"Italian moms vs. Jewish moms At dinner the Italian mom says to their children, ""eat..eat.. or I'll kill you!"" Where as the Jewish mom says, ""eat... eat.. or I'll kill myself!"""

"I'm training to be a sniper in the Communist Revolutionary Forces... ... I'll be the designated Marxman!"

"Where do all the funny people hang out at a party? In the punch line"