198230

Joke of the Day

"Is it bad to feel the need to finish off prescription drugs before they expire? I don't have most of these ailments but they were expensive"

"My favorite response to someone asking how something works... ""Magic"" even when I do know how it works. Because Lazy"

"What's the most important part of an ISIS joke? The execution."

"Still don't know what I did wrong. My girlfriend was happy when I brought her home a bouquet of flowers. Her mood changed when I told her I found them by a lamp post."

"If I had a crystal ball that could see five years into the future... I would have 2020 vision."

"My wife and I laugh about how competitive we are. But I laugh more."

"In other news... An airplane crashed into a cemetery this morning. 400 bodies have already been found and the search continues."

"What language do cats speak? Catonese"

"What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A lickalottapus."

"Wife: Why the hell did you buy a buffalo? Me: I'd rather have a buffalo and not need it than need a buffalo and not have it."