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Joke of the Day

"I don't want to brag but unlike most men I need both hands for a wank . One for the magnifying glass and one for the tweezers."

"Who are the fastest readers in the world? 9/11 victims. They go through 50 stories in just a few seconds."

"#WorstChristmasGiftEver Soap On A Rope from Jerry Sandusky"

"I like watching children run around at the park. They don't realize I'm using blanks."

"Why did the Mexican push his wife off the cliff? Tequila"

"When grocery shopping, I only buy foods that can also be used as a weapon. Cantaloupe is a good example of this."

"What's worse than lobsters on your piano? Crabs on your organ"

"Sometimes it is very important if a sentence was said by a man or a woman. A good example: ""I used a whole pack of tissues during that awesome movie yesterday!"""

"Sorry I took the little stringy things off my banana and put them on your baby's head to make it look like he had hair."

"It would be terrible to be blind and get cancer. You would never see it coming."