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Joke of the Day

"I don't know why there's such a stigma on masturbation. I find that it really comes in handy."

"Merry Christmas.. Or Happy Heineken, as the case may be ;)"

"Billion dollar idea. A smoke detector that shuts off when you yell ""I'm just cooking!"""

"*getting murdered* First time? *sighs* You'll want to lacerate my abdominal aorta. *sighs, puts hand on the bottom of my ribcage* It's here."

"It's raining, It's pouring... I really should be snoring. I cleared my head with sudafed I won't get to sleep until morning. (I know, I know, it's not really a joke because it's true)"

"Never trust an atom They make up stuff."

"Need an ark? i Noah guy"

"I want to be important enough to receive a phone call, say one word, hang up and having the end result being something blown up."

"Just made this up. What did one cannibal-rapist say to the other? ""Let's do lunch."""

"A man has undergone the first successful hand transplant in the UK. Doctors say he can move his fingers, but still doesn't have any feeling. Also, he won't come out of the bathroom for some reason."