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Joke of the Day

"Why did Sean Connery say he quit his mall Santa job? I got tired of all the kids asking to shit on my lap."

"How do cannibals pick up women? With a fork"

"I have but one greviance with the airplane pilots. Fantastic chaps, but good God, they're never grounded."

"What has shadier inner workings, Reddit or FIFA? Still waiting to hear back from an admin."

"I can actually decide what is inspirational on my own. But thanks for the warning"

"I'm gonna cook tons of bacon, crush it up and sell it for extra money to support my family. Bacon Bad"

"I queued up for ages to get cod earlier... ...but they sold out, so I got a battered sausage instead."

"I'm not flirting with you. I'm just nice. Get over yourself. Except you. You get under me."

"Every morning, I jog around my block 15 times. Then I pick the block up and put it back with the rest of it's little Lego friends."

"What do you say to someone who talked about you behind your back? You discussed me."