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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a woman that has a penis. Pregnant. With a boy. (Mwah Mwah Mwah Mwuaahh)"

"[scale says I've gained 5 pounds] Me: It's probably just what I'm wearing. Wife: You're naked. Me: Wife: Me: It's a heavy deodorant."

"I can't figure out if I only date girls with self esteem issues because I'm ugly or because we have something in common"

"Ever have sex while camping? It's intents"

"I just got whipped and gagged by a lady covered in a ton of specks of leather. She was a dot matrix dominatrix."

"I lost my watch at a party once... Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the guy, punched him straight in the nose. No one does that to a girl...not on my watch."

"One of those people out there with protected tweets is your therapist passing your problems off as jokes."

"They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but 2 minutes and 15 seconds once every 3 months ain't going to shift your beer belly is it."

"What planet is so big the entire universe can fit in? Ur Anus."

"What was in those drums of chemicals Captain Malcolm Reynolds hid behind in Firefly? For-Mal-To-Hide."