197905

Joke of the Day

"I constantly google ""how to put your kids up for adoption"" so my kids can find it on my search history and know that I'm not messing around."

"If you run in front of a car, you get tired. If you run behind it, you get exhausted."

"My girlfriend's got conjunctionitis It makes her 'ands swell up"

"""We don't allow faster-than-light neutrinos in here,"" says the bartender. A neutrino walks into a bar."

"The Minnesota Twins have just signed Adrian Peterson to a 3 year deal. More details to come. All we know is Adrian will be a switch hitter."

"Thoughts on ""The Hunt for Red October""? oops, wrong sub."

"This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she's never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf."

"Bob: Did you hear about the camper who was killed by a garter snake? Betty: That's impossible. A garter snake is not poisonous. Bob: It doesn't have to be if it can make you jump off a cliff!"

"What did the sluts left leg say to her right leg? Nothing, they never met."

"As an atheist I don't receive many xmas cards and the ones I do disproportionately say ""may God have mercy on your soul."""