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Joke of the Day

"Me: I really don't have any bad habits to speak of. Her: So you have no bad habits? Me: No, I have plenty! Just none I'd want to speak of."

"If the meal between breakfast and lunch is called brunch and the meal between lunch and dinner is called linner, what's the meal between breakfast and dinner called? Lunch"

"What do you call a haughty criminal walking down the stairs? A condescending con descending."

"What did the football fan say to the paedophile footballer? Come on my son."

"If I could have dinner with anyone either alive or dead I would totally choose dead. Because, more food for me then."

"someone should create huge peanuts so elephants don't have to take so long to eat and therefore have more time to reflect on being awesome"

"Please help reconstruct this joke ... The punchline is ""Well, there's cus-turd, and there's mus-turd, and there's you, ya big shit! Run, Myrtle, run!"""

"One day my kid will ask me why he's half human and half final exam"

"""Yous ain't passin'!"" - Gandolfini"

"What is a rocket's favorite meal? Launch! Another one from my 9 year old."