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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the comedian terrorist? He was Jihahahadist!"

"What's being in love feel like? You know when someone cancels plans you wanted to cancel anyway? Almost as good as that."

"Sweatpants and a hoodie: Sexy and I know it, but too lazy to show it."

"Fucking cows... ...wouldn't recommend it."

"Why don't shrimp donate to charities? Because they're shellfish."

"If Nefertiti owned a topless bar which served tea she could have marketed her business with t-shirts. You could call them 'Nefertiti's titties, tease, teas, and tees.' Edit: better grammar/phrasing."

"I bet in hell you have to sleep in a hot bedroom with a pillow that never has a cool side."

"2012 me can't believe 2005 me actually knew 8 people I liked enough to put in a MySpace Top 8."

"Do you remember that barbeque you had? The one where I had my meat all up on your grill?!?!?!"

"Why should you never play cards in the jungle? Because of all the cheetahs"