197714

Joke of the Day

"""I think that kid's a robot"" What? ""Look at his mouth"" Relax they're just braces *backs away slowly* ""That's exactly what a robot would say"""

"It's kinda like i'm a shopaholic but with alcohol instead of clothes."

"I want to see a documentary about Morgan Freeman that is narrated by wild animals."

"What did the square say to the root? ""Radical"""

"The U.S. has more prisons than degree-granting colleges. How absurd. To fix that, we should merge some prisons and split up some colleges."

"What does a robot do during sex? He nuts and bolts!"

"Answering your cell when you don't recognize the number is basically like picking up a hitchhiker. You're probs gonna die."

"Did you know NASA 30 years ago made a new space drink? Ocean Spray - It was their second choice because they couldn't get 7-UP."

"That artsy picture you took of your Jack Daniels really spoke to me. It said ""This persons an alcoholic but still takes decent pictures."""

"I've got my fingers in many pies Which is why I lost my job as a waiter."