197631

Joke of the Day

"It's hard dating with OCD... ...every time my girlfriend gets turned on, I have to turn her off again."

"What's the difference between a married guy and a single guy? Wait, let me ask and make sure it's ok to tell the joke."

"[chess tournament] RIVAL: [plays move] ME: [knocks board aside. punches rival in face] Chess! COMMENTATOR: He's won every round this way"

"So two guns are hanging out, ""shootin' the shit""... When one gun says to the other, ""Damn dude, those are some nice bullets, where'd you get them?"" the second gun says, ""In some old magazine I found."""

"*sends signal to space 24/7 that just says Updog* *aliens respond* Alien: Whats Updog? NASA: Lol guess there isnt intelligent life out there"

"I like my women like I like my coffee. Ground up and in the freezer."

"George Washington's bark was from the same tree as his bite."

"Dr: I'm giving u a proton-pump inhibitor Me: LIKE A GHOSTBUSTER? D: No for acid reflu *sees tears welling in my eyes* yes for busting ghosts"

"I can't get her off my mind, even the wind seems to whisper her name. Never fall in love with a girl named WHOOSHEE FFREWERRREFSHH."

"Everytime I pull a prank on Niagara She falls for it"