197631

Joke of the Day

"It's hard dating with OCD... ...every time my girlfriend gets turned on, I have to turn her off again."

"What do you call it when you buy stocks of a clothing company? A good in-vest-ment"

"I saw a magician driving through my neighborhood, and then he turned into a driveway."

"When I die, my last thought will probably be ""Man that falcon looks pissed."""

"(Showing off new car) Father-in-law: Looks good, what engine has it got? Me: *ultra confident* a grey & black one"

"I just got a great deal on a Ray Rice jersey The price couldn't be beat"

"*interrogating cat* Admit it! You're a Communist! ""Meow"" A no-good red! ""Meow"" Tough guy eh? ""Meow"" We can do this all night. ""Mao"" Youwait"

"Be very careful if you eat mushrooms in the wild. There's not mushroom for error."

"What's a woman ideal husband? An archaeologist. The older she gets the more interested he becomes."

"I don't know why you are complaining about your appearance, your personality is even worse."