197613

Joke of the Day

"A survey recently revealed that 50% of people shit in the shower, do you know what the other 50% do? I didn't think so you filthy twat!"

"ME: It would ring, and we would... Answer it. TEENS: but, like, how did you know who it WAS? ME *staring into the distance* We never did..."

"New Feature exclusive to 2015/16 Chevy Trucks Magnetic Bumber; recover the parts as they fall off."

"There are 30 cows and twenty eight chickens... How many didn't? Better told in person."

"They're giving Caitlyn Jenner ANOTHER TV show Apparently, they have her competing in the Olympics again. It's going to be called ""Drag Races""."

"Yoda: *dies and fades away* Luke: Thank God. I was so sick of his backward talking. Ghost Yoda: Heard that, I did."

"What does a Gynecologist and a Pizza Boy have in common? They can smell it but they can't eat it"

"Aliens scoop me up & put me in a big glass jar w holes poked in the lid. They scatter Pringles inside to simulate my natural environment."

"My vacuum cleaner is so good it collects dust even when I don't use it."

"What's the difference between Michael Phelps and Hitler? Michael Phelps can actually finish off a race"