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Joke of the Day

"*looks east* ah, the atlantic ocean *looks west* ah, the pacific ocean *sees a bunch of idiots raving about mediocre r&b* ah,the Frank Ocean"

"There are several factors when talking about the meaning of life. 2, 3, and 7"

"Q: What do you call a pickle that draws? A: A dillustrator."

"[orchestra] VIOLIN 1: *pssst* Can I ask you a dumb question? VIOLIN 2: Um, okay. V1: What's up w/the guy in front waving his arms around?"

"I met a Spanish man with a Rubber toe......his name was Roberto"

"Remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else"

"I'm more optimistic than most. Some say the glass is half empty, some would say it's half full. I'd say ""Hey, That's a nice glass!"""

"Why do ballerinas stand on their toes? Can't they just get taller women?"

"My work day has been like the movie Sound of Music. But with less singing. And more Nazis."

"Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? Because he's a fucking creep"