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Joke of the Day

"Guy told me I have ""Bambi eyes""...is that even a compliment? Oh god, please don't shoot my mother."

"Why couldn't the man be bothered to look at the origami mountains? *because it was pay-per view.* ""paper view"""

"This day holds a lot of meaning for me. It was on this day two years ago that I lost my dear wife and children. I'll never forget that game of cards..."

"I'm thinking about buying a Volkswagen Beetle just so I can be the reason why people keep getting punched."

"A guy was playing a guitar... ..got arrested for fingering A-minor"

"BELLHOP: May I take care of your bags? ME: Of course! BELLHOP: [gently applies seven layers of concealer under my eyes]"

"I've never been camping but one time I ordered something from Amazon that wasn't Prime Eligible."

"I know 27 different jokes about eyeballs... ...But this one's cornea than the rest!"

"Christmas jokes needed I am about to MC a high school Christmas staff talent show and need your best Christmas or holiday jokes. This is happening in two hours."

"What do Kermit the Frog and Henry the VIII have in common? Same middle name."