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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a stoner and a Jew? A stoner gets baked on purpose"

"I've never dumped a girl. I always lay them peacefully in a field to be discovered by school children"

"I finally read to the end of the dictionary today. It turns out the zebra did it for me."

"Why is golf better than sex? It lasts for hours and they are 18 different holes."

"I'm not a great lap dancer, I've got two left cheeks."

"[in basement lab] wife: you cant just make your own honey me: (mouth dry, spitting pollen everywhere) I know that now Lisa."

"Let's party like it's 1999. (Drink Bud Lights at my warehouse job with the guy on work release who had to go back to jail every night)."

"Worst part of being sick? Sneezing while taking a piss..."

"This stupid farmers market doesn't have any locally grown pizza."

"How do you best serve burned food? Coal'd."