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Joke of the Day

"I'm not saying you started that fire, Billy Joel; I'm just saying that innocent people don't write songs to defend themselves."

"How many IT techs does it take to change a lightbulb? Ticket closed: Forwarded to facilities."

"Nothing waters down the word ""ultimate"" like ultimate frisbee."

"How does a Jewish man know his wife died? Well, the sex is the same but the dishes are piling up."

"What's a zombie say when he gets a letter from his girlfriend? It's a dead letter day."

"My wife wanted to spice up our sex life. So she asks me if I wanna have a threesome. I said, ""Sweetie. If I ever have sex with two women at the same time..... neither one is gonna be you."""

"Hey Google, if I'm searching for ""herpes symptoms"" then no, no I'm not ""feeling lucky."""

"Overheard in a restaurant. Grandma: ""Oh, I could really go for a Quickie right about now!"" Grandpa: ""It's pronounced a Quiche, dear!"""

"I just clogged a urinal?"

"(i walk up to the counter at subway) hey hows it goin? (i rest my foot on the sneeze guard thing and it slams shut on the guys hands) my bad"