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Joke of the Day

"[Wakes up to a mysterious noise] Lover, is that you? *Refrigerator hums loudly*"

"What is another word for Pokemon? A Rastafarian Proctologist"

"Parent Tip: don't tell your child ""I'm waiting, I can wait all day if I have to"" unless you've actually cleared your schedule for the day."

"Twitter turns six today. It seems like just yesterday that I spoke to my family."

"What did the fish say when he swam into a wall? Dam."

"I seem pretty put together for a grown woman who imagines she's traveling through a wormhole each time she pulls a turtleneck over her head."

"I'm straight, but I'm not ""wouldn't spoon with George Clooney"" straight."

"A lion would NEVER cheat on his mate But a Tiger Wood. XD"

"Why couldn't the salad bowl play Scrabble? It had run out of lettuce"

"TIL Condoms have serial numbers.. ..but I've never rolled one down far enough to find out.."