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Joke of the Day

"ME: I wasn't invited to the party FRIEND: Yeah, people think you're melodramatic ME: [slaps friend with silk glove] Then I shall die alone"

"The photo technician got caught masterbating to people's photos They charged him with ""indecent exposure"""

"What do you get when you intersect two planes? A national travesty."

"What is Kim Kardashian's favorite sex position? On camera. Credit to this week's episode of *The Soup*."

"Lying in bed, my girlfriend turned to me and said: ""You're a lot like a math exam."" I replied ""Why? Because I'm long and hard?"" She said, ""No, I'm cheating on you with an Asian."""

"If there's enough room to spell 'bootylicious' on the back of your shorts, it probably isn't."

"How do you get a Ford recalled? Wait."

"My grandad has the heart of a lion... ...and a lifetime ban from the Edinburgh zoo"

"Why do ducks have flat webbed feet? To stomp out forest fires."

"I bet the government is behind all these conspiracy theories."