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Joke of the Day

"I want to give a shoutout to the sidewalks... ...for keeping me off the streets"

"I've done all the cleaning and ironing but I've forgot why I broke into this house in the first place."

"Teacher With student.. Teacher: Why are you late? Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill. Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it? Student: No. I was standing on it."

"92 percent of Americans get inappropriately excited when there's a t-shirt cannon present."

"Why is the sky not happy on clear days? It has the blues"

"Boy: *calls 911* Hello? I need your help! 911: Alright, What is it? Boy: Two girls are fighting over me! 911: So what's your emergency? Boy: The ugly one is winning."

"Sweat pants & Uggs in public says ""and I didn't brush my teeth, either."""

"You must be radiating feminine mystique because every man in the cafe is looking at you, and then you realize there's a TV over your head."

"Why was the blonde girl sitting on the roof? Someone told her drinks were on the house."

"I can't personally remember an Olympics with better toilet reporting"