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Joke of the Day

"Accidents happen everyday... You were one of them."

"What is juicy on the inside, dry on the outside, and has ""apple"" in it? A roasted baby with an apple in its mouth."

"*makes doctors appointment* *arrives 20 minutes early* *waits in doctors office for 7 hours*"

"I showed up to my girlfriend's house. She said, ""Why, don't you look nice!?"" I said, ""Thanks."" ""It wasn't a compliment."" she added."

"Sometimes I answer your rhetorical questions because I think you are that stupid."

"A magnet walked into a bar. It stuck."

"I don't mind that my wife thinks I'm crazy. I mind that I have to hear it from our dog."

"I've really got to stop being so anti-semitic... or else I'm going to get audited soon"

"What do you call an EDM party full of serial killers at the bottom of the ocean? Deep-rave."

"Why can't you make something that's sort of like a macaron but not really? Because then it'd just be macaroni"