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Joke of the Day
"Why did the hipster burn his mouth on the pizza? Because he was eating it before it was cool."
Next Joke
"Wife. Would you cut the label off my dress. Me. Sure *Snip* There you go. Wife. Thanks. Me. No problem. *Kicks pony tail under bed."
"Fellas, If you kill a spider while you're at her place, congratulations. You will be having sex. P.S. Bring a spider."
"FB friend's boy in a baseball uniform pic: ""Our little pitcher"" Me: ""He looks more like a catcher"" Nobody got it. So I'm back here.."
"People who knock on my front door really need to give up these unrealistic expectations that I'm going to answer"
"you got to be fast to make it in advertising kid. gotta be snappy. gotta be clever. how would you sell a car? thats right: titties"
"Saw a picture of Justin Bieber on a horse. It looked as natural as sauerkraut on a bean bag chair."
"*ring* Her: Hello, Sex Addict Hotline Me: Help please Her: Ok sir. Let's take some breaths. Deep. Slow. In and out Me: THIS ISN'T HELPING"
"How does a computer nerd become to the most popular person in Australia. He automates it."
"Women, when you say: ""We should move into a better house."" A man hears: ""My plan is to force you to work till the day you die."""