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Joke of the Day

"I should've married myself. I've never said no to sex. Not once. Not one single time ever."

"teaching my 1yo daughter to shout ""Mike Wazowski!"" every time someone opens a closet door"

"Sent a tweet with a typo. Deleted it and now I'm gonna be bummed about until mid June."

"Those glasses really do make you look more dignified. Respectacles"

"My hatred for Nicki Minaj probably stems from my fear of clowns."

"Why did Adele cross the road? To say Hello from the other side."

"There was a French chef... ...And one day he was extremely angry and said he is going to quit. Another man asked him ""why?"" Then the chef said ""All the food is out of date and I've just had un oeuf"""

"Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a mattress store and sleep on the floor"

"I went to a space museum, because they where having a prize drawing for a car. I didn't win the car but they gave me a constellation prize."

"how to you circumcise a red neck uppercut his sister"