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Joke of the Day

"My parents are divorced. I feel fat and all the other girls my age have boyfriends. Him: Being a teenager is tough. Me: *sigh* I'm 40."

"I was asked how I view lesbian relationships..."

"I just saw a guy wearing uggs get arrested. Not sure what for, but I'm hoping it was because he was wearing uggs"

"What did the pirate say when his wooden leg got stuck in the freezer? Shiver me timbers!"

"I'm hiring a motivational speaker for my lazy eye."

"What do you get when you mix a Mexican with an octopus? I dont know, but it sure as hell can pick apples."

"A man and a doctor are talking... The doctor says ""I have bad news. You have cancer, and you have Alzheimer's."" The man replies, ""Thank God I don't have cancer."""

"What's the latest big thing to sweep across Japan? The ocean."

"What's the difference between three cocks and a joke? Your mom can't take a joke."

"What did the redneck say when she lost her virginity? GET OFF ME DAD, you're crushing my cigarettes!"