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Joke of the Day

"I never could have made it to my sixth Twitter anniversary without the support of my wife and kids, whatever their names are."

"What do you call a comedian that can't get a girl pregnant? Carl Barron"

"Why was the crocodile taking viagra? He was suffering from eREPTILE disfunction."

"You know what is blown out of proportions? Overweight suicide bombers."

"If you can't handle me getting arrested in my pajama pants at Walmart than you don't deserve me buying produce in my yoga pants at Target."

"Gotta elect a billionaire President in 2012, 'cause rich white guys just aren't getting their voices heard in DC."

"What did the sarcastic taximan say when he lost his job? Oh well that's just uber, isn't it"

"So a man walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing nothing but a piece of shrink wrap... The doctor looks up and says; ""I can clearly see your nuts."""

"You've failed history again ! Well you always told me to let bygones be bygones !"

"What's the hardest part of the vegetable to eat? The wheelchair"