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Joke of the Day

"I win most of my staring contests... ... because my opponents usually don't know they're playing."

"Did you hear Han Solo will be running next years London Marathon? He says he reckons he'll be able to finish in less than 26 miles"

"Tell someone you love them today because life is short. But SHOUT it at them in German because life is also terrifying and confusing"

"How to Get There by Ridya Bike"

"Seems weird that evolution produced the female gender just to spend their time shopping at Target and returning what they bought at Target."

"What's the best thing about Sweden? I can't pick, but their flag is a huge plus."

"I walked into a gas station and asked, ""Can I have a Kit-Kat chunky?"" The lady behind the counter came back with a Kit-Kat Chunky. I said, ""No, I wanted a normal Kit-Kat you fat bitch."""

"When you get to Customs and they ask if you have anything to declare, ""Thumb War"" is not the answer they were looking for."

"Teenage Jesus: Hey dad, why you wearing that crucifix? God: It's an idea I have for a public holiday. TJ: Huh? G: It's complicated."

"If you say ""NO YOURE UNDER ARREST"" the cop legally has to get in the back of your car."