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Joke of the Day

"Seems weird that evolution produced the female gender just to spend their time shopping at Target and returning what they bought at Target."

"I spilled coffee over my keyboard, so I spent all day asking letters from my employees. ""Give me a ""g"" ""Give me an ""h"" They hate me now."

"What's Obama's Favorite TV Show? Game of Drones"

"A man shot his wife Judge: Sir, why did you shoot your wife? Man: Well your honor, it was easier than shooting a different man every night."

"North Korea has finished nuking the South, and there was one man left alive. He was the Seoul survivor."

"Do they have a pregnancy test for immaculate conceptions?"

"9 just turned the toaster all the way up and basically made charcoal for breakfast, so I'm ordering new furniture with his college fund."

"Now imagine how close together the presidents' bodies are, under their Mount Rushmore heads."

"There are so many songs that tell us how to breathe. It's like musicians and songwriters have never heard of the autonomic nervous system."

"My ex-girlfriend's star sign was cancer. It is quite ironic how she died.... .... she was killed by a giant crab."