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Joke of the Day

"September just ended... Someone should wake up Green Day."

"Women need to learn how to use Snapchat. It's only for sexting, I don't want to see pictures of your feet or your new perm."

"Whenever I tinker with the idea of a having a relationship, I go spend a night with my married friends."

"I think my microwave's broken. I keep pressing the pizza button and no pizza is coming out"

"What does the Michael Jackson action figure have written on the back of the box? Not suitable for children. Colors may vary."

"What did the U.S president say before starting WW3? Nukes... You're fired!"

"What's the best thing about the US economy being so bad? No telemarketers."

"wear a condom... i kid you not"

"Your mum's so fat she uses Yosemite National Park as a back-scratcher, the Eiffel Tower as an ear pick and water slides as straws."

"If someone's mean to you, just lean in and whisper ""I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world"" to them & get that monstrosity stuck in their head."