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Joke of the Day

"I'm the designated driver so it's mini bottles in the restroom for me"

"I think it's important for women to know there are men who stand at urinals and pee with their hands on their hips like they're Superman."

"The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was inventing single-ply toilet paper."

"The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears."

"Date tip: buy a calendar"

"A Quebecer staying in a hotel in Edmonton phoned room service for some pepper. ""Black pepper, or white pepper?"" asked the concierge. ""Toilette pepper!"" yelled the Quebecer."

"Thank God for butter because without butter all butterflies would be just flies and that sounds terrible."

"Vet: ""I can see the head... ...here's the neck... ...more neck... ...more neck... ...neck... ...neck... ...neck... ...still more neck... ...neck... ...it's a giraffe!"""

"Sam Allardyce is a disgrace and needs to be punished, humiliated and made an example of... Therefore he should continue as England Manager"

"I predict that Obama's next move is to threaten to hold his breath until Russia leaves the Crimea."