195025

Joke of the Day

"Getting girls to have sex with me is like getting ketchup out of a bottle. Easy when I have a knife."

"My SO told me that I should stop pretending to be a flamingo I had to put my foot down"

"My doctor prescribed a med that has ""weight loss"" as a side effect......I've never wanted to overdose so much in my life!"

"[overhears wife complaining about me on phone] he's always overreacting and making a mess *spits chocolate milk everywhere* ARE YOU SERIOUS?"

"If you give a developer a cookie... they'll tell you why it's really better to use local storage."

"A cat, by any other name, is still a sneaky little furball that barfs on the furniture."

"Why did the hedgehog cross the road? To see he's flat mate"

"I think what I did to get away from that spider could qualify as parkour."

"What is the hardest part of twerking? Being black"

"[On a date] *Don't let her know you're a dog* Girl: Do you want to...maybe go for a walk after this? *starts running in circles going crazy*"