20156

Joke of the Day

"[overhears wife complaining about me on phone] he's always overreacting and making a mess *spits chocolate milk everywhere* ARE YOU SERIOUS?"

"My wives going to a fancy dress party tonight dressed as a Rastafarian. She wants me to do her hair. I'm dreading it!"

"I bet you that Michael J. Fox was just shaking in anticipation for this day."

"mermaid procreation how does a mermaid give birth? sea section"

"I changed my phone ringtone to the doorbell sound bc I don't answer that either."

"Today i convinced my brother for a full minute that the Beatles wrote ""blackbird"" about Batman"

"""You're on your own, kid."" - A Republican village."

"""How much do you love me?"" Count the stars in the sky and that's how much I love you ""But it's so cloudy"" *pats her on the head* Yeah I know"

"Twitter is going to get very dark when we all get older and are still tweeting from our Alzheimer and dementia riddled brains."

"What was the lonely chemist looking for? AgF"