194999

Joke of the Day

"Q: Did you hear the slogan for the the new ""Stealth Condom?"" A: ""They'll never see you coming."""

"What would you call it when a dinosaur gets into a car crash? Tyrannosaurus Wrecks"

"The worst thing about Obama's presidency is knowing Will Smith will play him in the eventual biopic and win an Oscar. Fuck that."

"I contacted and arranged for a meet with an undercover FBI agent to show my skills in deduction and reasoning.. Unfortunately,a 14 yr old girl showed up at the coffee shop"

"Q: What's blue and looks like a bucket? A: A red bucket in disguise."

"Did you know the government can drug test our water supply?! That's why I never piss near a toilet. Instead - I piss on your mom. Shes by the trash.... (not the toilet)"

"What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? 45 pounds. "

"Me: ""Aw, your baby is cute. How old?"" Woman: ""Thanks, she's 34 weeks. Do you have the time?"" Me: ""Sure, it's 972 minutes past midnight."""

"I'm not lazy I'm just energy efficient"

"Interviewer: Please take off your sunglasses.. Me: Nah, I'm afraid you'll see how high I am"