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Joke of the Day

"My face is so oily The US wants to invade it."

"Yelp Review: Babies Cute at first, but then screamy like angry pterodactyls. There is literally poop everywhere. Would not recommend."

"Im having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... alright by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?"

"I am drinker. Hear me pour."

"My nephew hated working outside in landscaping, so I got him a job in the twin towers; I don't know why he keeps complaining about it being an inside job"

"I'm not gaining weight. I'm losing wavelength"

"Apple products Remove the USB port and nobody bats an eye. Remove the headphone jack and everybody loses their minds!"

"What do you call a gay guy in a coma? A tomato."

"Half the time I hug anyone I'm just wiping my hands off on their back."

"What happened to the Marine that took a laxative? He was relieved of doodie."